oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize