Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
