My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
