very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
