now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
