I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
