I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
