The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.