yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.