I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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