I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.