I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I did not marry a roomba.
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