I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
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Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.