Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED