tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
