Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
