She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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