You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
