the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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