No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
