I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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