you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
