Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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