He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
