She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
