I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
