if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
