Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
