This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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