Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
