I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
