I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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