yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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