Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That accounts for only three of the penises
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
