so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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