I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
