apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
