and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
