I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize