she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
