woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
