he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
