Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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