So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
