I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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