the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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