The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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