I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
