Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
