Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
