the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
