I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
