I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
