i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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