he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
