Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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