I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
