Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
