Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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