who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
