He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
