3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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