Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
