There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
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So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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