are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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