Plan B is the new Plan A
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
