you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
