I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
