So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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