A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
