clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
