There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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